You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
