You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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