when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
