I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
