i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
sarcasm needs its own font
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
