FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
