so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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