I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
