Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize