I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize