Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the day after is always just damage control
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
