wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
