She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
