I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
