You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
