That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
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I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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