I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
