I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
