it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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