I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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