bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
