Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
