it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
