I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
