good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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