i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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