Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
