you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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