I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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