hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
did you just send me my own nude
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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