I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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