I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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