Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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