Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
