We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Come on in and take your pants off
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