You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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