So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
