you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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