I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
