When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm just crazy horny about you
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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