What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
