i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I deserve this hangover.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
