i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We need to get me chipped asap
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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