I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
