So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
