Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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