I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
