Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
