You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my phone needs a breathalizer
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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