I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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