i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
