Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
