Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize