is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
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but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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