Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
