I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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