tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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