You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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