Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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