In the future we'll all be gay
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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