Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
