before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
